Decisions, Decisions

This morning I got a phone call back from Subway and I have a 4 hour shift on Monday at their busiest time :) I am going to work my ass off to impress. I am so excited.

In this mess of a week I have overcome a lot, lost a lot, and gained a lot. I've gained back the trust and close friendship of one Mr. Benjamin and just gained the close friendship of one of his friends. It feels good to be back on that level. I missed all the fun times and the feeling of wholeheartedness. However it does mean I need to move out, as much as I don't want to just because we're friends and I enjoy taking care of him, as well as having a shoulder to cry on and someone to cook for. Not that my cooking skills are that great haha.

However I did make a mean Veggie pasta the other night which was awesome:

Yeah. I'm pretty proud of that.

In other news, I have started another tattoo fund. As I will be receiving my first tattoo on my birthday in August, I figured that I'd get another the same day whilst I'm there. I have decided what it is. it is..... *insert drum roll here*  ... A Inverted Latin Cross tattoo!

Except I'd get the same as the one on the left, only the cross itself is solid black. I plan on getting this on my thigh.

If you don't know the historical and modern meaning to this then I'll give you a brief run down.

Prepare for a history lesson!

Historically, the invert Latin cross is just the 'cross of Christ' flipped upside down. You know how Christ died on the cross and whatnot? The way he died, the right way up, was to inflict initial pain, as it would being nailed to a 2000 pound piece of wood, with a halo of thorns with various poisons stinging his head, and then to starve that person to death. That was the Christians Civil way of killing people.

Now the Inverted Latin Cross is historically known as the Cross in which Saint Peter was killed upon. By putting the victim upside down this cut off blood flow to the lungs and caused a fast but more painful death than starvation. This was the Christians way of "Humanely" Torturing and killing someone to their death. While it may take less time for them to die it was more painful than starvation.

The modern meaning of this cross is to represent pain and suffering as the norm and torture through religion. It is also seen as a satanic symbol as well as offering the meaning that religions are hypocritical. It is used as an unholy symbol and is often used and referred to in Heavy Metal, Black Metal, Death Metal, Metal core and so on.

The reason why I want to get all this information in the one symbol, is because for one I am a huge metal fan, I strongly believe that "religion" is hypocritical* And personally if I had to die on a cross Id die upside down because I would rather die fast in the hands of the church, and painfully knowing somewhat the truth.

(* I'm not saying that what happened in the bible is wrong, there are historical events to mark some of those things such as the red sea parting, etc etc. Just the way Christians portray themselves in the bible "thou shall not kill" - Excuse me while I state that the church burned thousands of women looking for Mary Magdelin [or however you spell it] as well as murdering women and men accused of "witchcraft" as well as thousands of Templars for trying to protect the source of gods power on earth, the holy Grail, when in fact the churches motives were to find the holy grail and destroy it to keep the lie alive)

To each their own opinion though, my opinion is my own and no one should judge for that. Just stop trying to shove religion down everyone's throats.

---- Back to actual topic ----- Yes, I have decided to get the invert latin cross for its meaning to me, and I have $80.50 saved towards that. I am very very excited and rather hoping that the next few months go by quickly. I'm going to talk to my mother and see if I can get them early. I'm Just too eager. 

- Red

Life lessons.

Sorry I haven't posted much recently. Have a lot going on and a lot of emotions trying to overcome me.

At the moment I just have a few life lessons and issues to focus on. And pushing myself through these has been the hardest thing (emotionally) that I've ever faced in my life. I just need to accept it and at least find solid ground.

I've recently realised everything that was wrong. Everything that happened. Everything that I did. Everything that should have happened. And the outcome of all that.

One very wise and forever special to me - one way or the other - person taught me something that more people should listen to.

"Shit happens. Life goes on."

And it does. And it might hurt. But every time you get back up you get stronger. More resistant to that hurt.

I have learned a few things recently and I'm going to try my hardest to stick by them and hopefully it gets me somewhere more than anything else I've ever known has. I need to live in the moment rather than planning everything out. Sure there are important things worth planning but those can be slotted into the most spontaneous of days.

Don't allow the important things to completely overthrow your entire life though.

In going through all of this though I've gotten closer and received a better understanding of one of my friends and they have really helped. If he can do it I can too. I know I can.

Sorry for babbling probably about things that you don't understand or don't fully understand. Ill try to start posting properly again soon.

- Red

Ambigrams - Oh How They Mind Fuck Me

Have been working on the "Too Weird To Live. Too Rare To Die" tattoo idea thingo. I haven't constructed anything amazingly together but tonight I have been working on ambigrams, which if you don't know what they are they're text which you can read upside down as well as the right way up. They can also contain 2 words but screw trying to do that haha. I'll stick with the simple stuff that isn't hard as fuck.

This First one says "Weird"; it turned out better than I was hoping for anyway:

It's really difficult to get all the letters to look the same when you flip it 180 Degrees, and most of the time it ends up looking slightly different but it really cant be helped. Unless you're like super OCD or something haha. Most people I believe do one which just says the word not in any fancy way or anything except maybe the font, then get a photo copy and flip it and design it that way using tracing paper. But i just try to do mine by eye.

The Second one I did was one that says "Rare": 

With this one I tried something different with the font on the capital R, I think it worked but the A in there could DEFINITELY use some work haha.

In the end I just ended up doing some more ambigrams and trying out different stuff. I did my best Friend Ashleigh's name but I kind of screwed the upside down A up a little bit but other than that I really like it and I hope she does too:

Anyway, if you have any ideas on this or general comments leave them below and I will definitely get back to you. Hope you all found something you like here, maybe something nice to look at :)

- Red 

Hello, Cold World

Firstly I want to apologise for being more depressing than anything. I'd like to think this last week has been somewhat of a learning experience for me.

For now I'm going to focus on the positives, the good things, not so much the bad things.

Being so structured in life probably isn't a good way to live, but that's just how I've learned to be organised within it.

This may be slightly contradictory to the above but why are what used to be good bands changing so much now? As if today's music is better..? I suppose all things change in time, people, music, love, art - Depending on what's popular at the time and what will sell, I guess. Today's 'music' which is played on the radio and stuff, not that I listen to a lot of it, in 50 years that style will probably be considered rock or heavy metal or something, I don't know. In my opinion (being a huge musically inspired/involved person) music should be pure in a way. I guess that's why I listen to heavier stuff, which at the moment is seemingly getting heavier haha. Because the ring of guitar notes and chords, and the true to heart lyrics that go with them seem to be the only pure form of REAL music. 

But to each their own. As much as I don't like modern music, I understand why people don't like heavy metal.

One of my friends who I met playing World of Warcraft (WoW - yes, I used to play) is in a band in Western Australia called It All Ends Here (Check them out, they are awesome, and he is the bassist) made a status on Facebook about a week ago which I thought was awesome

"Too Weird To Live - To Rare To Die"

I'm thinking about doing a concept tattoo design around that because I thought it was one of the -.... I don't know if wisest is the right word but along those lines - things I had ever heard. Each of us are unique and we all need to realise that. I don't think many people do.

I was laying in bed last night next to Him, and after waking up in the middle of the night and not being able to sleep I started thinking. Not bad stuff, just good stuff. How every heart beat of his was a gift to me and so many others lives; how every breath he takes is a miracle. And how absolutely grateful I am for that. I could not ask for anything more perfect or right. Life is live-able without him. I know it is. I lived through a year and a bit of absolute pain and self-loathing before Him. I never want to lose that and I need to stop pushing him away or whatever the hell it is that I am doing. I love him. I don't know that he believes me when I say it but I do. I don't regret a moment with him or anything else that I've done in my life - After all, why regret something when it was all and more than you wanted at one point in time?
The only thing I regret is not opening up to him sooner; but it's probably a good thing I didn't.

There's one song that I've been listening a lot to lately which for some reason makes me feel better about everything, probably because of the positivity of the lyrics

"It's such a cold, cold world / and i cant get out / So I'll just make the best of everything I'll never have / Its such a cold, cold world / and it's got me down / but i'll get right back up / as long as it spins around / Hello cold world"

- Red

Hello, cold world - Paramore Link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mbh8yT360JY

Had more than enough.

These past few days have been quite... big for me. Emotionally.

When I'm alone I can't seem to stop my thoughts from drifting to bad places. But it has made me realise a few things:

1) No matter whose with me, I feel alone a lot of the time and there's only 1 or two people who actually make me feel like me, if that makes sense.
2) That a lot of what I do goes to waste. I've been learning how to cook and today of all days has been mostly about that. Wake up and get asked to make something I've been wanting to make for Him and I for about a week, so I spend all day trying to get it perfect. Exactly right. Which included going to the trouble of borrowing utensils off of my mother to make these things after failing 2 times. Only to get a text message of all things, of all damned things, saying that he's not going to be home for dinner. My cleaning seems to go to waste because everything just gets dirty again within 2 seconds. That all the effort I put into numerous things is just wasted and that everything I do or have done has just been feeble anyway.
3) That I really am not happy with how my life has turned out. And I know I'm hardly even into 'life' yet. But I'm sick of not being good enough to get a job, or good enough to be around, or anything like that.

 I probably just sound pathetic to most of you out there but I'm sorry. I need to get this out.

There's one line of lyrics that I just try to keep repeating over and over in my head by a band named Jimmy Eat World from their most famous song 'The Middle' that is my mantra at the moment:

                                    'It just takes some time, little girl your in the middle of the ride,
                                             Everything, everything, will be just fine, everything
                                                      everything, will be all right, all right?"

I can't keep putting in so much effort with so little return.

I know I'm a very lucky person. To have a house to live in, to have a man who loves me to have clothes on my back and food on the table. And compared to African children or whatever we all who are reading this are wealthy as hell and to them we are the luckiest people alive. But we also have our own issues that make us less fortunate than those people. Worse-off people seem to have a more optimistic look on life. They welcome anything that comes to them, food water etc. they live each day as it comes. Where as better-off people seem to be the ones with the mental health issues that make us all pessimistic, we each have our own kinds of struggles. We don't think that we're going to die today because we have doctors and ambulances etc.
I know this has changed direction all of a sudden but don't you see what I mean?
Call it 1st world problems or whatever you want to, but it is the truth.

If only I could have the optimism of those people, and could love life the way they do.

- Red

The Truth is in Ink

I have a real issue with people saying that tattoos and other body modifications - however extreme or otherwise - are ugly and unattractive and that they're only a way to destroy the human body and its beauty.

Fuck every single one of those people who say that.

First of all, Body modification doesn't just cover tattoos and piercings. It covers things like Waxing, hair removal, hair dying, ear piercing, make-up, fingernail polish, jewellery, as well as botox and plastic surgery. And if you really want to get to the nitty gritty it includes dieting, and exercise.

I bet every single person who says "Body modification is wrong" does do a form of it. Pretty well everyone in the damn world does.
Who are any of us to judge another person by their looks or their art or anything. We're not. Everyone on this earth is in one way or another equal to the homeless person on the street, or the man covered in tattoos or the doctor who makes sure we're okay, or the soldiers and officers that defend each of our countries against the opposition.
However it is human nature to judge and therefore it will never stop; not unless somehow miraculously everyone becomes open minded, which in today's society is very, very unlikely. Some people don't realise that in the end it comes down to that soul persons decision as to whether they change their body or not.

I heard one man, whom I don't like very much say that "Tattoos and body modification is not God's will and that people are destroying the perfect skin He gave us." - uhm excuse me while I remind him that the church and other religions are the origins of it. Since religion was a big thing in many peoples lives they've wanted to express their beliefs on their skin and have a constant reminder of it. I'm not very religious myself but putting your beliefs out there like that is a big thing in society today due to the controversy of which religion is "Right" and "Wrong". Not to mention that tattooing and more commonly branding was the Churches original form of torture, but let's save that load of hypocrisy for another time.

There are so many reasons why people get a tattoo, to some people the plain skin on their bodies is repulsive so they cover it with art. Some want to express their religious opinion openly. Some want to have a constant reminder of a passed loved one, friend, or idol. And then some people get drunk and don't know what they're doing. There are so many reasons its not possible to list them all.

People who do the minor modifications like ear piercings or hair colouring etc. are the ones who aren't really comfortable with who they are. Their hair colour isn't vibrant enough or they dont have enough decorations of jewellery on them. So people, open your damned eyes. you're just as "Bad" as the people who want to tattoos on their skin.

There is a really really good song about this by a hardcore band named H2O - the song is called Heart on my Sleeve which the title in its self is pretty explanatory and I'll add the link to the song on youtube down the bottom.

You see me on the street,
There is no need to explain,
I'm not what you think I am,
I'm just like you, but with tattoos!

Cuz I wear my heart on my sleeve,
My appearance may be deceiving,
It doesn't matter what you think,
Because the truth is in ink!

This is the life I chose,
This is the only thing I know,
So don't pass judgement on me!
The places that I've been,
Forever written on my skin,
So don't pass judgement on me!

You see me walking down the street,
And you grab your kids and cross the other side,
Looking me like I'm a fucking criminal a degenerate lowlife,
You got me all wrong!

Cuz I wear my heart on my sleeve,
My appearance may be deceiving,
It doesn't matter what you think,
Because the truth is in ink!
This is the life I chose,
This is the only thing I know,
So don't pass judgement on me!
The places that I've been,
Forever written on my skin,
So don't pass judgement on me!

You know you can't judge a book by it's cover,
You know you got me all wrong,
And I know my appearance may be deceiving,
But I feel...
I FEEL IT ALL,
SO DON'T PASS JUDGEMENT ON ME!

This is the life I chose,
This is the only thing I know,
So don't pass judgement on me!
The places that I've been,
Forever written on my skin,
So don't pass judgement on me!

It doesn't matter what you think because the truth is in ink!

- Red
Heart on my Sleeve - H2O Link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w7KR7220wc4

Takes more than one idea

It's been a while since I drew anything significant... I don't know if my brain has the creative juices to think of this stuff, or whether I just have to be given the idea by someone else.

I saw a picture of a zombie girl being controlled by a puppet master in a Tattoo Flash book the other day and got a really good idea from it:

I figured Id change it into a skeleton instead, since skeletons are awesomely fun to draw, interesting to look at and usually have some sort of hidden meaning about life and death which makes unravelling the meaning behind it all the more fun.

The only issue with that is getting the idea from my head onto paper. I really like drawing bones and muscles and anatomy kind of stuff but when I do it always has to be accurate otherwise I'm unhappy with it. But whenever I try to make it rough, and not accurate it just looks wrong. Maybe I'm just too accurate to do little small drawings and such *Shrug*

I'm starting to think that what talent I have when it comes to pen and paper isn't suited to tattooing and the likes of it.

But then again Practise makes perfect, so maybe I just need to keep at it a while longer.

If there are any legitimate ideas pop a comment below. I'll give it a shot.

- Red

Keep Your Feet On The Ground While Your Head's In The Clouds

It's only been very lately in which I have started to feel okay, and taking up this blog idea has been really beneficial in a part of that I think. I know it may not seem much to you, it may just seem like a diary of my life, my choices and my decisions... In a way, really it is, but the reason I chose a blog over a diary is so the things I want to say to the world will actually get out there. Maybe not right out there, but to the 25 people who have most recently seen it out there. To show your point of view to just one person is a success within itself. Its a difficult thing to have another, completely different person, no matter how close or unacquainted to you see your point of view exactly, let alone 25 people see it.

There has been so much going on since I finished schooling, so much playing on my mind and it has been pulling my moods way down, I don't mean to be depressing at all, I think I just need to explain this to those who I love whether they choose to see it or not. I've had to look for work on my own, trying to find something without being screwed around, trying to get at least 1 thing right.
The reason why I want to get everything so right at the moment is because my mum didn't have a lot going for her when I first started taking notice of what she did for me and how she did it. I want to improve from her mistakes and be better at what she wasn't. I don't mean to make that sound bad towards my mum or anything and once you see how actually hard it is to do what any mother does you'll be empathetic and grateful.
 I've had to think about the rest of my life ahead of me, and while I want to be a tattoo artist and all that other awesome stuff that I aspire to be, I still need to start on the ground. There are some good lyrics by a band named Paramore which say that how it is:

"Keep your feet on the ground when your heads in the clouds" - Paramore - Brick By Boring Brick

I feel like I've been so lost in making these decisions, and so worried and scared about making them that I've forgotten to say that I am and as a result have gone from being the happy Red everyone knows and loves to a "depression monster" which no one understands or understands the reasoning behind it - not that there was much reasoning. I didn't really notice how much I had changed until I saw a post from Ben on his blog explaining that I should do what I want and we'll still somehow make this work. What he didn't realise, and still doesn't I don't think is that I am doing what I want. I don't want to dive into my dreams. I want to start somewhere, just not at the end. I want to experience all the difficulty of life before I live the dream - If that makes any sense; probably not.

I think my heads sorting everything out now though, and I think being able to say everything I want, and moving out of home where I don't constantly have to compare myself to my mother has helped; even though its only been 4 days. I find myself waking up happier, singing along to songs and enjoying every small challenge or change which has been placed in front of me. Also the fact that I don't have to live my relationship with Ben through Facebook or Text Message is definitely helping that factor.

I feel like I have a purpose, whatever that actually is I don't really know, but I have small things to occupy my time with and I'm having fun doing the stuff I used to hate... The only thing I really have to actually worry about at the moment is that I keep myself on my feet on level, compact ground, and just put one foot in front of the other and not try to rush anything.

- Red

The Ever Changing First.

Yesterday was my trial at Subway... and that was kind of a big thing for me. I mean its the first time I've had to work for some kind of progress... maybe that's not the right word but anyway, even if it was a trial it was still a big thing and I had loads of fun learning how to do probably some of the most time consuming and repetitive stuff which is kind of odd. Really hoping I get a call later this week saying "Yeah, you've got the job" but lets not get our hopes up.

I have finally decided on a tattoo design which I plan on getting as my first. I've already changed my mind so many times about what I want and its meaning to me etc. pretty much firstly I was going to get Jack Skellington from the movie "The Nightmare Before Christmas" which I did Map out to get done as apart of a Half-sleeve (which I still plan on getting sometime in my life, whether it has Jack on it or not is a different matter), the picture below is the idea I had for that:

The reason I wanted to get jack was because he was the bad-good guy for lack of other words. He was the good guy of the story, the one who wanted to bring Christmas to Halloween Town, but his idea of Christmas was anything but. He was the misinterpreted character, the only misunderstood character; and I thought that related quite well to me, he is also my favourite villain, if you can call him that, which brings me to my next tattoo idea.
My second idea, which still included Jack was to design a tattoo half-sleeve of my favourite villains from movies and comic books - I had a whole list and I dont know if i can name them all off the top of my head but there was The Joker, of course, Jack Skellington, Pitch Black and his nightmare horses, Magnito, Poison Ivy, Bane, Harley Quinn, and many others. However I decided that Jack Skellington didnt fit with that and went on to change that concept slightly and make the theme of the sleeve one of the most well known quotes from the Dark Knight movie -

"You either die a hero, or live long enough to see yourself become the villain."

and have that quote maybe shortened in a banner around the jokers face. And I still want to get all that done eventually; I saw this picture the other day and decided it was going to become my first:

To me this kind of clicked in my mind things that people were saying to me - especially my boyfriend Ben, who I apologise to for not getting it sooner - the passing of time, the waiting game, life and death. We can't sit around waiting our whole entire life for something to  happen, we have to get out there and do it. Make a name for ourselves, become the person we want to be. I don't know why it was this picture that says it all for me but it still does and it would be awesome to have a daily reminder on my own body about that. I'm going to get this on my left forearm with the fiction ambigram from my previous post written below it and possibly the dates of Jimmy's life.

- Red

P.S. If you hadnt noticed all the pictures so far have been uploaded via instagram then onto my blog, if you wish to see more of my works as they are completed please follow me :) @thered_

New page.

So the last day and a half have been somewhat of a new page in my life. Moving out of home for the first time and in with my boyfriend whilst I look for work and try to set up some kind of life in the "real world".

Some of my friends don't realise how much effort, strength and sense of reality you need to have to make such a big change in your life - they seem to think that everything will just come to them as it has been these past 18 years. They come from slightly better off families than mine with more money and stuff I used to dream about as a kid.
I know it may be kind of cruel to say this but it will be good to see them stress out when they move into the real world as it is so different. There's not someone there for you every night to cook, do your washing, clean up after you or to pay your bills. That responsibility will become theirs and their own. They can't splurge their money on ridiculous things - not when every cent counts.

Tomorrow I have a 1 hour trial at a Subway branch in my town. I'm really looking forward to it and really really hoping I get the job there. I didn't initially want to work in the fast food industry but at least it's cleaner and not as slimy as McDonald's or KFC. Fingers crossed anyways.

Below is a picture I drew a while back of an ambigram tattoo that I plan on getting with my best friend. It says "Fiction" and I drew it in memory of our favourite drummer who passed away in 2009 - Jimmy "the rev" Sullivan from avenged sevenfold. I thought it was kind of fitting with this post because the world you live in at home with your parents is fiction.




If you flip it upside down you notice it says the same thing in the same font. This is probably the most difficult work I've ever designed. Trying to get the text right as well as upside down is a killer on the brain but worth it in the end. I don't think I plan on designing another of these in my life haha.

- Red

The beginning, middle and ... No. Not the end yet.

Why hello there!
My name is Kati or better known as Red due to the colour of my hair. This is my very first blog post ever. Hopefully of hundreds more to come :)
Just want to give a brief run down of me and what my blog is about.
Pretty much I've just finished my schooling career (thank god) and am about to venture into the real world. My ultimate dream job is to be a tattoo artist and I am currently planning my first tattoo. I do a lot of art at home and am a musician with influences like Avenged Sevenfold, Slipknot, H2O, Parkway Drive, Iron Maiden - that kind of thing. Mainly the metal scene. I always cop shit due to the fact that I'm a girl who dresses for the main part in guys clothes who likes tattooing and heavy metal music.

At least it's real music other girls.

Anyways my blog will be generally about my life, my music, my art and my love of all things gnome and tattoos haha.

Thanks for those who read this and I hope you'll stay tuned for regular posts from me.

Chow
- Red