Keep Your Feet On The Ground While Your Head's In The Clouds

It's only been very lately in which I have started to feel okay, and taking up this blog idea has been really beneficial in a part of that I think. I know it may not seem much to you, it may just seem like a diary of my life, my choices and my decisions... In a way, really it is, but the reason I chose a blog over a diary is so the things I want to say to the world will actually get out there. Maybe not right out there, but to the 25 people who have most recently seen it out there. To show your point of view to just one person is a success within itself. Its a difficult thing to have another, completely different person, no matter how close or unacquainted to you see your point of view exactly, let alone 25 people see it.

There has been so much going on since I finished schooling, so much playing on my mind and it has been pulling my moods way down, I don't mean to be depressing at all, I think I just need to explain this to those who I love whether they choose to see it or not. I've had to look for work on my own, trying to find something without being screwed around, trying to get at least 1 thing right.
The reason why I want to get everything so right at the moment is because my mum didn't have a lot going for her when I first started taking notice of what she did for me and how she did it. I want to improve from her mistakes and be better at what she wasn't. I don't mean to make that sound bad towards my mum or anything and once you see how actually hard it is to do what any mother does you'll be empathetic and grateful.
 I've had to think about the rest of my life ahead of me, and while I want to be a tattoo artist and all that other awesome stuff that I aspire to be, I still need to start on the ground. There are some good lyrics by a band named Paramore which say that how it is:

"Keep your feet on the ground when your heads in the clouds" - Paramore - Brick By Boring Brick

I feel like I've been so lost in making these decisions, and so worried and scared about making them that I've forgotten to say that I am and as a result have gone from being the happy Red everyone knows and loves to a "depression monster" which no one understands or understands the reasoning behind it - not that there was much reasoning. I didn't really notice how much I had changed until I saw a post from Ben on his blog explaining that I should do what I want and we'll still somehow make this work. What he didn't realise, and still doesn't I don't think is that I am doing what I want. I don't want to dive into my dreams. I want to start somewhere, just not at the end. I want to experience all the difficulty of life before I live the dream - If that makes any sense; probably not.

I think my heads sorting everything out now though, and I think being able to say everything I want, and moving out of home where I don't constantly have to compare myself to my mother has helped; even though its only been 4 days. I find myself waking up happier, singing along to songs and enjoying every small challenge or change which has been placed in front of me. Also the fact that I don't have to live my relationship with Ben through Facebook or Text Message is definitely helping that factor.

I feel like I have a purpose, whatever that actually is I don't really know, but I have small things to occupy my time with and I'm having fun doing the stuff I used to hate... The only thing I really have to actually worry about at the moment is that I keep myself on my feet on level, compact ground, and just put one foot in front of the other and not try to rush anything.

- Red