Decisions, Decisions

This morning I got a phone call back from Subway and I have a 4 hour shift on Monday at their busiest time :) I am going to work my ass off to impress. I am so excited.

In this mess of a week I have overcome a lot, lost a lot, and gained a lot. I've gained back the trust and close friendship of one Mr. Benjamin and just gained the close friendship of one of his friends. It feels good to be back on that level. I missed all the fun times and the feeling of wholeheartedness. However it does mean I need to move out, as much as I don't want to just because we're friends and I enjoy taking care of him, as well as having a shoulder to cry on and someone to cook for. Not that my cooking skills are that great haha.

However I did make a mean Veggie pasta the other night which was awesome:

Yeah. I'm pretty proud of that.

In other news, I have started another tattoo fund. As I will be receiving my first tattoo on my birthday in August, I figured that I'd get another the same day whilst I'm there. I have decided what it is. it is..... *insert drum roll here*  ... A Inverted Latin Cross tattoo!

Except I'd get the same as the one on the left, only the cross itself is solid black. I plan on getting this on my thigh.

If you don't know the historical and modern meaning to this then I'll give you a brief run down.

Prepare for a history lesson!

Historically, the invert Latin cross is just the 'cross of Christ' flipped upside down. You know how Christ died on the cross and whatnot? The way he died, the right way up, was to inflict initial pain, as it would being nailed to a 2000 pound piece of wood, with a halo of thorns with various poisons stinging his head, and then to starve that person to death. That was the Christians Civil way of killing people.

Now the Inverted Latin Cross is historically known as the Cross in which Saint Peter was killed upon. By putting the victim upside down this cut off blood flow to the lungs and caused a fast but more painful death than starvation. This was the Christians way of "Humanely" Torturing and killing someone to their death. While it may take less time for them to die it was more painful than starvation.

The modern meaning of this cross is to represent pain and suffering as the norm and torture through religion. It is also seen as a satanic symbol as well as offering the meaning that religions are hypocritical. It is used as an unholy symbol and is often used and referred to in Heavy Metal, Black Metal, Death Metal, Metal core and so on.

The reason why I want to get all this information in the one symbol, is because for one I am a huge metal fan, I strongly believe that "religion" is hypocritical* And personally if I had to die on a cross Id die upside down because I would rather die fast in the hands of the church, and painfully knowing somewhat the truth.

(* I'm not saying that what happened in the bible is wrong, there are historical events to mark some of those things such as the red sea parting, etc etc. Just the way Christians portray themselves in the bible "thou shall not kill" - Excuse me while I state that the church burned thousands of women looking for Mary Magdelin [or however you spell it] as well as murdering women and men accused of "witchcraft" as well as thousands of Templars for trying to protect the source of gods power on earth, the holy Grail, when in fact the churches motives were to find the holy grail and destroy it to keep the lie alive)

To each their own opinion though, my opinion is my own and no one should judge for that. Just stop trying to shove religion down everyone's throats.

---- Back to actual topic ----- Yes, I have decided to get the invert latin cross for its meaning to me, and I have $80.50 saved towards that. I am very very excited and rather hoping that the next few months go by quickly. I'm going to talk to my mother and see if I can get them early. I'm Just too eager. 

- Red

Life lessons.

Sorry I haven't posted much recently. Have a lot going on and a lot of emotions trying to overcome me.

At the moment I just have a few life lessons and issues to focus on. And pushing myself through these has been the hardest thing (emotionally) that I've ever faced in my life. I just need to accept it and at least find solid ground.

I've recently realised everything that was wrong. Everything that happened. Everything that I did. Everything that should have happened. And the outcome of all that.

One very wise and forever special to me - one way or the other - person taught me something that more people should listen to.

"Shit happens. Life goes on."

And it does. And it might hurt. But every time you get back up you get stronger. More resistant to that hurt.

I have learned a few things recently and I'm going to try my hardest to stick by them and hopefully it gets me somewhere more than anything else I've ever known has. I need to live in the moment rather than planning everything out. Sure there are important things worth planning but those can be slotted into the most spontaneous of days.

Don't allow the important things to completely overthrow your entire life though.

In going through all of this though I've gotten closer and received a better understanding of one of my friends and they have really helped. If he can do it I can too. I know I can.

Sorry for babbling probably about things that you don't understand or don't fully understand. Ill try to start posting properly again soon.

- Red

Ambigrams - Oh How They Mind Fuck Me

Have been working on the "Too Weird To Live. Too Rare To Die" tattoo idea thingo. I haven't constructed anything amazingly together but tonight I have been working on ambigrams, which if you don't know what they are they're text which you can read upside down as well as the right way up. They can also contain 2 words but screw trying to do that haha. I'll stick with the simple stuff that isn't hard as fuck.

This First one says "Weird"; it turned out better than I was hoping for anyway:

It's really difficult to get all the letters to look the same when you flip it 180 Degrees, and most of the time it ends up looking slightly different but it really cant be helped. Unless you're like super OCD or something haha. Most people I believe do one which just says the word not in any fancy way or anything except maybe the font, then get a photo copy and flip it and design it that way using tracing paper. But i just try to do mine by eye.

The Second one I did was one that says "Rare": 

With this one I tried something different with the font on the capital R, I think it worked but the A in there could DEFINITELY use some work haha.

In the end I just ended up doing some more ambigrams and trying out different stuff. I did my best Friend Ashleigh's name but I kind of screwed the upside down A up a little bit but other than that I really like it and I hope she does too:

Anyway, if you have any ideas on this or general comments leave them below and I will definitely get back to you. Hope you all found something you like here, maybe something nice to look at :)

- Red 

Hello, Cold World

Firstly I want to apologise for being more depressing than anything. I'd like to think this last week has been somewhat of a learning experience for me.

For now I'm going to focus on the positives, the good things, not so much the bad things.

Being so structured in life probably isn't a good way to live, but that's just how I've learned to be organised within it.

This may be slightly contradictory to the above but why are what used to be good bands changing so much now? As if today's music is better..? I suppose all things change in time, people, music, love, art - Depending on what's popular at the time and what will sell, I guess. Today's 'music' which is played on the radio and stuff, not that I listen to a lot of it, in 50 years that style will probably be considered rock or heavy metal or something, I don't know. In my opinion (being a huge musically inspired/involved person) music should be pure in a way. I guess that's why I listen to heavier stuff, which at the moment is seemingly getting heavier haha. Because the ring of guitar notes and chords, and the true to heart lyrics that go with them seem to be the only pure form of REAL music. 

But to each their own. As much as I don't like modern music, I understand why people don't like heavy metal.

One of my friends who I met playing World of Warcraft (WoW - yes, I used to play) is in a band in Western Australia called It All Ends Here (Check them out, they are awesome, and he is the bassist) made a status on Facebook about a week ago which I thought was awesome

"Too Weird To Live - To Rare To Die"

I'm thinking about doing a concept tattoo design around that because I thought it was one of the -.... I don't know if wisest is the right word but along those lines - things I had ever heard. Each of us are unique and we all need to realise that. I don't think many people do.

I was laying in bed last night next to Him, and after waking up in the middle of the night and not being able to sleep I started thinking. Not bad stuff, just good stuff. How every heart beat of his was a gift to me and so many others lives; how every breath he takes is a miracle. And how absolutely grateful I am for that. I could not ask for anything more perfect or right. Life is live-able without him. I know it is. I lived through a year and a bit of absolute pain and self-loathing before Him. I never want to lose that and I need to stop pushing him away or whatever the hell it is that I am doing. I love him. I don't know that he believes me when I say it but I do. I don't regret a moment with him or anything else that I've done in my life - After all, why regret something when it was all and more than you wanted at one point in time?
The only thing I regret is not opening up to him sooner; but it's probably a good thing I didn't.

There's one song that I've been listening a lot to lately which for some reason makes me feel better about everything, probably because of the positivity of the lyrics

"It's such a cold, cold world / and i cant get out / So I'll just make the best of everything I'll never have / Its such a cold, cold world / and it's got me down / but i'll get right back up / as long as it spins around / Hello cold world"

- Red

Hello, cold world - Paramore Link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mbh8yT360JY

Had more than enough.

These past few days have been quite... big for me. Emotionally.

When I'm alone I can't seem to stop my thoughts from drifting to bad places. But it has made me realise a few things:

1) No matter whose with me, I feel alone a lot of the time and there's only 1 or two people who actually make me feel like me, if that makes sense.
2) That a lot of what I do goes to waste. I've been learning how to cook and today of all days has been mostly about that. Wake up and get asked to make something I've been wanting to make for Him and I for about a week, so I spend all day trying to get it perfect. Exactly right. Which included going to the trouble of borrowing utensils off of my mother to make these things after failing 2 times. Only to get a text message of all things, of all damned things, saying that he's not going to be home for dinner. My cleaning seems to go to waste because everything just gets dirty again within 2 seconds. That all the effort I put into numerous things is just wasted and that everything I do or have done has just been feeble anyway.
3) That I really am not happy with how my life has turned out. And I know I'm hardly even into 'life' yet. But I'm sick of not being good enough to get a job, or good enough to be around, or anything like that.

 I probably just sound pathetic to most of you out there but I'm sorry. I need to get this out.

There's one line of lyrics that I just try to keep repeating over and over in my head by a band named Jimmy Eat World from their most famous song 'The Middle' that is my mantra at the moment:

                                    'It just takes some time, little girl your in the middle of the ride,
                                             Everything, everything, will be just fine, everything
                                                      everything, will be all right, all right?"

I can't keep putting in so much effort with so little return.

I know I'm a very lucky person. To have a house to live in, to have a man who loves me to have clothes on my back and food on the table. And compared to African children or whatever we all who are reading this are wealthy as hell and to them we are the luckiest people alive. But we also have our own issues that make us less fortunate than those people. Worse-off people seem to have a more optimistic look on life. They welcome anything that comes to them, food water etc. they live each day as it comes. Where as better-off people seem to be the ones with the mental health issues that make us all pessimistic, we each have our own kinds of struggles. We don't think that we're going to die today because we have doctors and ambulances etc.
I know this has changed direction all of a sudden but don't you see what I mean?
Call it 1st world problems or whatever you want to, but it is the truth.

If only I could have the optimism of those people, and could love life the way they do.

- Red

The Truth is in Ink

I have a real issue with people saying that tattoos and other body modifications - however extreme or otherwise - are ugly and unattractive and that they're only a way to destroy the human body and its beauty.

Fuck every single one of those people who say that.

First of all, Body modification doesn't just cover tattoos and piercings. It covers things like Waxing, hair removal, hair dying, ear piercing, make-up, fingernail polish, jewellery, as well as botox and plastic surgery. And if you really want to get to the nitty gritty it includes dieting, and exercise.

I bet every single person who says "Body modification is wrong" does do a form of it. Pretty well everyone in the damn world does.
Who are any of us to judge another person by their looks or their art or anything. We're not. Everyone on this earth is in one way or another equal to the homeless person on the street, or the man covered in tattoos or the doctor who makes sure we're okay, or the soldiers and officers that defend each of our countries against the opposition.
However it is human nature to judge and therefore it will never stop; not unless somehow miraculously everyone becomes open minded, which in today's society is very, very unlikely. Some people don't realise that in the end it comes down to that soul persons decision as to whether they change their body or not.

I heard one man, whom I don't like very much say that "Tattoos and body modification is not God's will and that people are destroying the perfect skin He gave us." - uhm excuse me while I remind him that the church and other religions are the origins of it. Since religion was a big thing in many peoples lives they've wanted to express their beliefs on their skin and have a constant reminder of it. I'm not very religious myself but putting your beliefs out there like that is a big thing in society today due to the controversy of which religion is "Right" and "Wrong". Not to mention that tattooing and more commonly branding was the Churches original form of torture, but let's save that load of hypocrisy for another time.

There are so many reasons why people get a tattoo, to some people the plain skin on their bodies is repulsive so they cover it with art. Some want to express their religious opinion openly. Some want to have a constant reminder of a passed loved one, friend, or idol. And then some people get drunk and don't know what they're doing. There are so many reasons its not possible to list them all.

People who do the minor modifications like ear piercings or hair colouring etc. are the ones who aren't really comfortable with who they are. Their hair colour isn't vibrant enough or they dont have enough decorations of jewellery on them. So people, open your damned eyes. you're just as "Bad" as the people who want to tattoos on their skin.

There is a really really good song about this by a hardcore band named H2O - the song is called Heart on my Sleeve which the title in its self is pretty explanatory and I'll add the link to the song on youtube down the bottom.

You see me on the street,
There is no need to explain,
I'm not what you think I am,
I'm just like you, but with tattoos!

Cuz I wear my heart on my sleeve,
My appearance may be deceiving,
It doesn't matter what you think,
Because the truth is in ink!

This is the life I chose,
This is the only thing I know,
So don't pass judgement on me!
The places that I've been,
Forever written on my skin,
So don't pass judgement on me!

You see me walking down the street,
And you grab your kids and cross the other side,
Looking me like I'm a fucking criminal a degenerate lowlife,
You got me all wrong!

Cuz I wear my heart on my sleeve,
My appearance may be deceiving,
It doesn't matter what you think,
Because the truth is in ink!
This is the life I chose,
This is the only thing I know,
So don't pass judgement on me!
The places that I've been,
Forever written on my skin,
So don't pass judgement on me!

You know you can't judge a book by it's cover,
You know you got me all wrong,
And I know my appearance may be deceiving,
But I feel...
I FEEL IT ALL,
SO DON'T PASS JUDGEMENT ON ME!

This is the life I chose,
This is the only thing I know,
So don't pass judgement on me!
The places that I've been,
Forever written on my skin,
So don't pass judgement on me!

It doesn't matter what you think because the truth is in ink!

- Red
Heart on my Sleeve - H2O Link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w7KR7220wc4

Takes more than one idea

It's been a while since I drew anything significant... I don't know if my brain has the creative juices to think of this stuff, or whether I just have to be given the idea by someone else.

I saw a picture of a zombie girl being controlled by a puppet master in a Tattoo Flash book the other day and got a really good idea from it:

I figured Id change it into a skeleton instead, since skeletons are awesomely fun to draw, interesting to look at and usually have some sort of hidden meaning about life and death which makes unravelling the meaning behind it all the more fun.

The only issue with that is getting the idea from my head onto paper. I really like drawing bones and muscles and anatomy kind of stuff but when I do it always has to be accurate otherwise I'm unhappy with it. But whenever I try to make it rough, and not accurate it just looks wrong. Maybe I'm just too accurate to do little small drawings and such *Shrug*

I'm starting to think that what talent I have when it comes to pen and paper isn't suited to tattooing and the likes of it.

But then again Practise makes perfect, so maybe I just need to keep at it a while longer.

If there are any legitimate ideas pop a comment below. I'll give it a shot.

- Red