For those who know me well you'll see a side of me which you haven't before. And for those who don't know me, you will a little better after this.
Sit tight and enjoy the ride:
27/03/13 - 11:11pm
I often wonder what it'd be like to live the damaged life of a drug users, or sever alcoholic. I know that it would be entirely different to say the absolute least;
But for some strange reason, I find listening or reading their stories inspiring. Maybe it's the happy ending, or the sheer determination mingled with the life lessons that makes me stop and think, and appreciate how I haven't really had a screwed up life, like that.
Don't get me wrong I've had my share of dads and obsessions, to depressions and attempted suicides, only to be stopped or come to some sense or to read something that makes me think "What the fuck was I even thinking?!"
As you know I had a view not too long ago that was not only destructive to myself and my way of life, but to everyone around me, whether they knew it or not. And to EVERY single one of you I want to apologise for that. Accept the fact that I know what I've done and want to work on fixing alot of what I tore down in my attempts to "live".
I apologise to all of you in no particular order: mum (I love you, though I don't say it often), Rhiannon, Teagan, Ashleigh, Karl, Ben, Jordane (you know for what part), Jordan, Kate, Mikaela, Aiden, Chris, Joseph, Doug. To all I am sorry for who I was. Not who I am now.
I am currently in a state of mind where yes, I am tired, yes there are things wrong with my life currently, I'm not denying what is dead set true. I have things that anger me, that I want to say but aren't because its not the right time to say them. I am in my happy place. My place where I can wake up and smile because I have a job to go to, because I find inspiration around every corner that I can snap a photo of or jot down a note to reming myself to think like that more often. Where I can look at a picture of something gruesome captured in the most beautiful way to make it have a completely different meaning.
My state of mind has changed me as a person, completely. And that's more than evident, I believe, as the author, through my posts.
I don't force anyone to read my blog. It is a choice, and the readers, YOUR, choice only.
I may start to say some damaging things, because I need to get them out, because I've waited so long to say them because I didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings.
I might start saying SOME, and as always it will be your choice to read them or not.
My blog is not my journal. I will make that clear. Although I sometimes address my journal as if its a blog post.
My first post stated it was to shout things that needed to be heard at the world. This is what I'm doing. Although I'm documenting little snippets of my life along with it.
I've come far in my short life, and have felt things of all kinds and extremes that I never thought were humanely possible. I've got a long road ahead of me and things are bound to change.
Thinking about revamping my blog a little bit. Removing some older posts that I now consider too personal or too "oldminded" as I like to call it and filling it in with the creativity and positiveness of my new head, while still being able to say the nasty, the nice and document my inspirations, my addictions, and my path to tattoos.
*end journal entry*
-Red
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